day four

I made a bucket list. And for some reason making it made me feel just a lil bit better, for a slight second anyway..butttt I'm back to where i was before. My dad's worried about me, by the way.. I got the blues big time. I don't think it's gonna get any easier either.. so I'm trying to suck it up. But that might take a while. Good thing I've got 3.8 months..... :/

sigh. it's so hard.

I have to remind myself to get outta the fml mindset everyday haha. 

and for some reason, my heart has decided to bear the weight of the world on it! I feel responsible for doing something- and it's something like I've never felt before. I'm tired of seeing and hearing statistics about what little we would have to do here in America to help out third world countries.. and I would ramble on, but I already tried typing out this huge long explanation of myself and I was all over the place and it didnt make much sense so I'll sum it up:

1) Shoot, I'll adopt! I'll sponsor a kid! I'll sponsor a family! better yet.. I'll sponsor a village!

money... pffff

2) I only need 3-4 grand to sponsor a well to be drilled in Africa..that will change the lives of 500 people. If that aint doing SOMETHING.. I don't know what is. You want to bring God to a people? Bring them clean water so that when they drink it won't give them diseases and kill their children.

3) Our culture has butchered the way the church was in the beginning, along with A LOT of other things.

4) We're all superficial, self-gratifying, and we forget who's really in control here. No wonder Christians are viewed as hypocritical people. And I realize I'm being harsh.. but it's a reality... and I aint excluded.

5) I'm just not satisfied with it all. It's frustrating, because I don't know where to start. 

p.s.

i dislike christian things.. like t-shirts and plaques and key chains... and bumper stickers! they're all cheesy. not the good kind of cheesy either. 

and good ole John Mayer. He'll never get old.. but his twitter updates will. Seriously, a signed stratocaster??