#74

^got myself a coat wrack, finally.
It's HUGE! and its this awful canary yellow color, because urban was out of white when i took back the one with the missing pole. Most of my coats/jackets are red (I went through a red phase..it comes back every winter) ..so it looks like this ketchup and mustard mcdonald masterpiece in my room. I would've kept the the picture above in color, but the color clash is just too awful to be shared with the interwebz.
I plan on spray painting it a cooler color.. if I get around to it (;
At least all my coats arent on the floor anymore!

In other news,
I was told for class I had to make a 3 year plan for my life, and I think it's actually helping me kick the 'ole procastinatin habit.
My parents were overjoyed when they learned I wanted to use my bright futures up at the 'ole HCC. And, thanks to AP and dual enrollment classes, Gen Eds can suck it big time!

I'm still a little leary however. "Introduction to the Internet" and "Introduction to Adobe Acrobat" seem like SUPER fun classes to take.. I might not be able to handle all that excitement, if you know what I mean... But I guess I'll deal. Easy A's, right?

Now all I need is a super cool job so I can buy these.

oh hai God

Service was... epic today. I can't really describe what happened, but I haven't felt God's presence like that in a long time. And it wasn't even service really, it was after service when everyone stuck around and decided to just worship a little longer. 

Literally what had been a crappy last night and a morning that was starting out pretty crappy too (not that any one had done anything, it's just been me feeling crappy), God surprised me and did a little switcheroo when I wasn't expecting it, at all. 

Everything that was said and spoken to me was confirmation of exactly everything that has been going on right now. Everything. And it was confirmation that everything that has been going won't be in vain.. even though it feels like it. God's hand is in the mix, he knows what he's doing, and he's got a plan. 

Perfect timing, really. 

I've been so frustrated this past week. SO frustrated. 

Not with just one thing either. Everything.

I forgot. I forgot who God was. 

I forgot that He can change any situation and make it good. 

I forgot that even when I feel like I'm in the darkness, that is where He is made light.

I forgot that his burden is easy, and his yolk is light.

I forgot that he knows me by name.

I forgot that he's always been there, even when I haven't been.

And to be more specific, cause I was kind of vague up there,

I received a text from a completely random person  (zuriel jessica! raaandom) telling me something they thought I needed to hear, someone I didn't know came up to me and told me they had a word for me, and everything the come&live! guys spoke they thought God was speaking/doing/situation our church is in right now was right on key. They even spoke about someone that had left the church hurt/something had been broken, and that we needed to find them and apologize and fix things. Needless to say, I cried. A lot. I mean, right!?! ohsigh.. God, you're good. And I need to quit grumbling.. because You're good.

That is all.. kind of. 

This is just the beginning. 

and not to be completely off topic, but I think I might start watching fringe. I hear it's addicting. In fact, I might start having a fringe night every week at my house myself.. my tv might not be large enough though. THATS RIGHT. hahaaaa

Love,

Michelle

Insomnia

I can't decide what to write anymore. 

I don't feel like posting anything I just spent the past two hours typing out. 

Most of it sounds and looks like the last couple of posts, I'm a broken record!

But, how am I doing?

I am lukewarm, complacent, lazy, stressed, excited, confused, frustrated.

I'm a magic eight ball, ready to spit out any kind of answer. 

Too many things are going on, I can't focus and I keep trying to do it all on my own. Baad move.

It's after 5 in the morning, and I'm waking up at 9 tomorrow beach it, bask in the sun, read something I actually want to read, and hopefully untangle some of the mess in my mind. 

That's all you're getting for now :)

Love,

Michelle

p.s.

If I wasn't so dependent on caffeine I wouldn't have these late nights problems. I get horrible caffeine headaches now if I don't get my fix during the day! Never used to have that problem. I blame the internship and mcdonalds for getting me addicted to caramel iced coffee and chicken biscuits. I've also discovered iced coffee from starbucks.. with soy, and it's delicious. and soy. How am I going to survive the real world after this!? 

p.s.s

blog about well project to come soon!

"rosesarebeauts" bahaha

I just found my old livejournal. The one I had before the one I have now.

I'm finding that I used to be an extremely interesting poster back then.. seriously, I'm addicted to reading my old posts. It's weird, because I barely remember writing ANY of it. I used perfect grammar, witticisms, and most of the time, visuals. And my vocabulary wasn't so bad either. 

Hmm, I must have been a pretty cool 16 year old. 

I'm glad I never deleted it. It's 16 year old Michelle, frozen in time. Wait.. 15. Just saw the year. 

 

It's crazy how much we change over the years, whether it be in little minute details, or in huge areas of our lives. I'm not saying I'm done changing either.. I'm just glad that chapter of my life has a big fat CLOSED sign on it. 

haha.. now I stay up till 3 in the morning wasting my good solid sleeping hours away and wondering what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. I'm pretty apathetic toward it right now though.. I don't really feel like seeking an answer to the big "What are you going to DO?" question. I could care less, although it's not like I don't think about it. I just don't feel motivated enough to act on it. Maybe it's just because my stubborn side sticks out like a sore thumb and this is just my way of sticking it to society and it's ideas that high school graduates have to go to college or their future will be very, very dark. I'm just avoiding the idea all together. 

It doesn't help though that every time I seem to blog I'm half asleep and don't really feel like doing ANYTHING at all, let alone figure out my future. 

..I'm going to sleep now, before I ramble on too much and make myself sound dumb. If I haven't already. Ha.

way to go, hot shot

I can't please everyone, not even myself. 

I hate it.

how exhaaaausting!

p.s.

my hair is starting to look like my life

..straggly with split ends baha

drunken texts, reader beware

I think I forgot how to have fun.

Or maybe I'm just becoming an old fart.

I find myself looking forward to going home everyday.. so I can "relax and unwind" as my mom would call it.

I'd rather stay home in my robe and watch a movie by myself than go out on the town. Even the thought of going out right now tires me. 

I think my "thinking cap" is permanently attached to my head right now. Seriously, the wheels are turning 24/7.

Am I turning into some kind of introverted hermit?!

I think I need to stop waiting for time to move faster.. and that sounds like an oxymoron. 

I need to get out more. Live a little. Maybe I'll take up belly dancing classes. bahaha.

p.s. 

Does anyone find it weird to listen to mayer now that you follow him on twitter? Because I think his tweets have killed the magic for me a lil. I find him borderline annoying. Now I just pretend John Mayer and @johncmayer are two completely different people. Problem solved! 

I'm just sleepy and delirious. I shouldn't have a blog for these reasons. It's like drunken texts.

..and i just re-read all that and I sound like a drama queen. But I'll still post for your enjoyment. 

prepare to be shocked

and they still have plans for the sanctuary..

Um..

Trying to find a legit organization that will dig a well= ridiculous.

there are too many out there! And all of them say something different about how much a well will cost. For instance- a deep water well, according to World Vision, costs $18,000. According to "Living Water International" a deep water well costs $10,000. Other organizations claim that to dig a well doesn't cost that much, and some, out the wazoo! Blood:Water Mission is completely useless in information. They just ask for your money and don't tell you how they're using it, or how much one water project costs. 

How about all these organizations combine all their donations, and then, hey, they might just have enough money combined to fix everything! Seriously, there's like a bazillion of them.

I just solved the world's poverty problem!

..just kidding.

:/

edit//

actually, maybe!!

i want to be a humanitarian!

Things are finally starting to take form. 

Since we canceled our missions trip, due to lack of fundraising and support and whatnot (and the fact that my heart wasn't in it, nor was CJ or Jessica's), we had to come up with something to take it's place, since it is a requirement for our degree. I told everyone about my desire to dig a well in Africa, Val found an organization that sends shoes to kids in Guatemala, and we collectively decided to try and bless someone in need of car.. with a car. According to Val's internship contact, we still had to have some sort of ministry outreach to count as the missions trip requirement, so, we're slightly getting away with counting youth camp this summer as a ministry outreach- which it is, in a sense. We've already gotten more churches from around the country interested in joining us this year, and I would most definitely say that not every kid that comes to camp knows about God and has a personal relationship with Him. So, there you go. Requirement met. But, we also needed the planning aspect of a ministry trip.. so, our jobs as interns now includes planning everything we need to do with the well digging fundraising process (we're looking into different organizations now, and we're hoping we can help out an area we already have put some interest in), collecting shoes for them kids in Guatemala, and raising money for a car. I also suggested we get GC involved with Love146, by donating at least $25/month, which will help support one of the organization's safe homes for little girls. We're also working on ways to reach the kids in the surrounding neighborhoods.. we want them all to come to our kids camp, which we're also planning. I'm excited that we have the opportunity to finally start DOING things that will help people! As for Well fundraising, we're in the process of planning a couple of benefit shows at the porch.. which I think will really make a dent! 

..I never would have thought this all would start happening.. seriously. And.. I am so stoked we're not going to Hungary! haha. 

As for other news

-tv program is back up and running (which I had no idea up till Sunday.. when I was told I should be filming..) 

-i have to put the tv room back together again, which was taken apart in a million pieces and thrown about all over the two rooms backstage. and there are NO LIGHTS back there. shoot me. okay, I am exaggerating a little bit. I did find light sources. I shoved one of the light boxes my dad made back there (which has an excellent glow might I add).. and the lamp from the tv room is now inhabiting the other side. But the million pieces part? 100% accurate.

-I've caught up on all the heroes i've missed, and lemme tell you, it's gotten good! Like, first season good. Not even kidding! I think the writers finally realized the story line they had going was a piece of crap, and decided to get back the the baaasics. (no more cheesy fugitive crap.. thank the lorrrd). Jess, you needa catch up!

-I'm seriously addicted to blogs. I probably spend a good couple of hours every night pouring over them.. my inspiration folder? jaaaam packed. Here's a few:

(and I just pull them straight from the blogs to my desktop.. so I dont know who to credit.. oops)

-still don't know what the heyyy I'm gonna do after the internship, cept have fun!

I aint rulin wedding photography out, but I know I aint starting anything anytime soon.

Seeing the finished outcome of Aubree's wedding kinda made me rethink things.. I'm gonna keep givin it a go I think (: ..But not yet, and not on my own!

-and, I'm loving the color pink right now. More than I probably should. If I could wear pink everyday, I would. But only this shade or lighter:

dat's all i got. 

love,

michelle

oh ya!

before and after pictures of the sanctuary to come!!

this is ridiculous.

I watched Taken tonight- really good movie! ..but it isn't like sex trafficking is something they just made up.. It's a huge industry today, right now, at this very moment. It just kinda opened my eyes to how real it actually is. It's sickening. In fact, there's a lot of things that sicken me. Isn't it great how most of us just all sit in our own little worlds, oblivious to what's going on across the street? ...And most of the time, even if we are aware, we choose to ignore the ugly truth and go on with our lives, always striving for the "american dream" and looking out for number one. I'm just tired of it all. I'm disgusted with myself, I'm disgusted with this country.. I'm disgusted with people who don't care. 

And what's the point of celebrities anyway? They're just people. They breath the same air we do. They get paid millions of dollars a year so the "regular" people like you and me can place them on pedestals and scrutinize their every move from what kind of starbucks drink they are chugging down to how they raise their children to who has cellulite or not. You name it, it's in the tabloids. And it sells! The American public would much rather hear a whole bunch of sugar-coated, pointless garbage over what is really going on in the world today.

And it sucks.. because I fit in to that category. I'm materialistic, I take for granted the roof over my head and the car that I drive and all the love that surrounds me 24/7. and I'd much rather hear sugar-coated pointless garbage over children being sold for sex. 

How do we change this? How do we make people less selfish and care about the world around them.. so much so that they too are burdened for change? Sigh. This world needs God. I need God. I can't do anything without Him. 

And I'm so frustrated right now! I have all these different thoughts whirling around in my head about so many different things and I just can't get them out so they all make sense.. If I even tried to explain it you would think I was a crazy person. 

I don't even want to try and finish.. I'm too tired haha. 

I used to be a good writer.. I used to make good points! And tie them together! And my conclusions? superb!

...I'm sure I'll get more off my chest later. 

p.s.

easter is tomorrow.. what a wonderful time to thank God for all he's done for us, for sending His son to sacrifice himself for our sins (and Jesus didn't have to!), and then to raise again, to live with us forever! Life truly cannot get any more real than God's never ending love for us- I was thinking the other day about how much God really does love us- how he doesn't love just me, but he loves my crazy neighbors, he even loves people I that I have a hard time tolerating- and he loves us all the same. It just blows me away about how bad we can screw up and blow God off for silly things- but yet, he still desires us, he still wants us, and he doesn't care about the past. If anything, He only loves us all the more. 

p.s.s.

if anyone has any ideas on how we can help change the world, or how anything I want to do with my life.. like taking pictures or designing things or becoming a professional blogger (that one's new.. not blogging like this, but about other things (: ) etc has anything to do with changing the world, let me know. I'd love to hear your thoughts. 

p.s.s.s.

..not only are we getting a well dug, we're gonna send shoes to guatemala for kids who aint got none, AND raise money to buy somebody a car! ..It's still not enough. I want to do more!

p.s.s.s.s.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6XGUhzfutc

p.s.s.s.s.s.

I know after all this rambling it's not really that important baha... but bangs?

it aint no cruise, but...

tonight my parents finally decided on a spring break vacation..

10 minutes away from my house.

yep, that's right.  10 minutes away, for one night.

I'm in temple terrace, on the third floor of a hotel. 

and even though my parents are in a separate room, my mom still insists we have the heat on in our room. 

..it's been kind of fun actually. I just have to pretend I'm far far away.. and turn the AC on when she leaves (: 

at least this place gots an elliptical and a hot tub!

AND right next door is a nail salon. I can WALK to get a pedicure. good deal.

However, I wish I was eating pretzels and watching Hell's Kitchen..

p.s, i love you

news

Instead of going to Hungary, I'm getting a well dug! I win.

I'm being serious. Trip's canceled.

p.s, I love this:

(via swiss-miss)

it's a towel that turns into a bag!

cant sleep, and i have to get up in a lil over 3 hours.

i feel sick.

day four

I made a bucket list. And for some reason making it made me feel just a lil bit better, for a slight second anyway..butttt I'm back to where i was before. My dad's worried about me, by the way.. I got the blues big time. I don't think it's gonna get any easier either.. so I'm trying to suck it up. But that might take a while. Good thing I've got 3.8 months..... :/

sigh. it's so hard.

I have to remind myself to get outta the fml mindset everyday haha. 

and for some reason, my heart has decided to bear the weight of the world on it! I feel responsible for doing something- and it's something like I've never felt before. I'm tired of seeing and hearing statistics about what little we would have to do here in America to help out third world countries.. and I would ramble on, but I already tried typing out this huge long explanation of myself and I was all over the place and it didnt make much sense so I'll sum it up:

1) Shoot, I'll adopt! I'll sponsor a kid! I'll sponsor a family! better yet.. I'll sponsor a village!

money... pffff

2) I only need 3-4 grand to sponsor a well to be drilled in Africa..that will change the lives of 500 people. If that aint doing SOMETHING.. I don't know what is. You want to bring God to a people? Bring them clean water so that when they drink it won't give them diseases and kill their children.

3) Our culture has butchered the way the church was in the beginning, along with A LOT of other things.

4) We're all superficial, self-gratifying, and we forget who's really in control here. No wonder Christians are viewed as hypocritical people. And I realize I'm being harsh.. but it's a reality... and I aint excluded.

5) I'm just not satisfied with it all. It's frustrating, because I don't know where to start. 

p.s.

i dislike christian things.. like t-shirts and plaques and key chains... and bumper stickers! they're all cheesy. not the good kind of cheesy either. 

and good ole John Mayer. He'll never get old.. but his twitter updates will. Seriously, a signed stratocaster??

<3

^i'm addin seein them to the list!

..i'll post a real blog later.